


Still Not Dead

by OWLS_789 (mb_eratosthenes)



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, I have like 6 other WIPs just in this fandom but I just sat down and started this one instead, I honestly have no idea if some of this is even canon compliant, May and Daisy need hugs, POV Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Melinda May Friendship, Phil Coulson & Melinda May are Skye's Parents, Phil Coulson and Melinda May have been best friends from day 1 change my mind, and going on a short rant about how cute Daisy and Coulson were in season 1, guns and violence mentioned but it's not too graphic I don't think, me venting about Coulson's death, snippets of life, technically you could read this not as Phil Coulson/Melinda May, though I think you should cause they're really cute together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:15:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22980838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mb_eratosthenes/pseuds/OWLS_789
Summary: Whenever they saw each other, they had this thing they would say. "Still not dead". Like a greeting, or something. After so long, though, with so many missions and climbing the ranks of SHIELD, it became less like a joke. More like a reassurance, a status update, a code. It meant more to them than the other agents could know.It was theirs.It was coming home safe.It was surviving to see each other another time.It was victory.It was loss. Sometimes it was said tiredly, with a drop of defeat. Sometimes it was said with a rush of relief or wonder. Sometimes it was a mere observation.
Relationships: Phil Coulson & Melinda May, Phil Coulson & Melinda May & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Phil Coulson/Melinda May
Comments: 14
Kudos: 63





	Still Not Dead

Whenever they saw each other, they had this thing they would say. "Still not dead". Like a greeting, or something. After so long, though, with so many missions and climbing the ranks of SHIELD, it became less like a joke. More like a reassurance, a status update, a code. It meant more to them than the other agents could know.

It was theirs.

It was coming home safe.

It was surviving to see each other another time.

It was victory.

It was loss.

Sometimes it was said tiredly, with a drop of defeat. Sometimes it was said with a rush of relief or wonder. Sometimes it was a mere observation.

When they were being shot at on their first mission at SHIELD as Level 1 Operatives, he was almost convinced they were going to die. Melinda was delighted at the turn of events, however. It was much more exciting that the simple observational objective they had been limited by a moment ago. And she thought he was being incredibly pessimistic.

Then there was a single gunshot and a reigning silence coming from her end.

"May? Update?" Apprehension bled through his words over the comms. There was really no reason to worry, she'd just incapacitated an enemy.

"Still not dead," she had laughed breathlessly.

When they passed each other in the hall after a long few months in Level 3 with no missions together, they pulled over to the side to catch up.

"Long time, no see. How you holding up?" she started.

"Still not dead. I've missed you." The humor was still in his voice, though Melinda could feel the joke leaking out of the phrase more and more with every time they said it.

"I miss you, too. Think I'd be able to request a mission together?" She wanted him at her side again. It'd been too long. She loved how they worked together as a team. Ebbing and flowing like waves, picking up when the other leaves off.

"We might be able to get away with it," he said. His crow's feet at the corners of his eyes deepened as his smile did.

When they went on that one terrifying Level 5 mission, they'd gone on dozens of life-threatening missions just like it before. May wasn't quite sure what was so different about it, just that it was.

She got shot twice-- once in her right arm and once in her right leg. She was pretty sure the one in her arm had nicked an artery.

"Agent Coulson," she talked into her comm link, "I think I might need medical. Bullets to my right arm and leg."

He cursed. His side went quiet for a moment while he called a medical team and extraction. "Understatement of the year. Where are you?"

"East entrance," She groaned. "I don't.... don't think I can walk."

"Melinda May, don't even try. Don't move, I'm coming over there. Stay with me."

She remained in her position leaning her left arm on the wall to stay standing. The blood spread on her shirt sleeve, puddling. As soon as she saw him running up, he started talking, "Mission's complete, extraction on its way. Are you okay?" 

"Still not dead." He helped her put pressure on the wounds, especially her arm.

When Melinda heard about what happened in New York, she was devastated. It was almost as bad as Bahrain, though in some ways worse. She was left feeling as though she'd lost a big part of herself again, the only difference being that that time he wasn't there to even try to help, no matter how unresponsive she was.

They hadn't seen each other in ages when he died-- very few times since Bahrain and her relocation to administratives.

She dreamed of him coming to visit at her apartment, just to check up on her. To see her again. She had opened the door and stared at him in shock and relief.

"I thought you were dead." 

"Nope. Still not dead," he'd replied.

She woke with damp eyes.

When the service came around, she had to leave before people began paying their respect to his body. She couldn't bear the thought that for the first time since they started taking real missions-- since they had made the stupid joke-- that wouldn't be the first thing he would greet her with the moment she saw him.

When he came down to the office to ask her to join his team, it had been the first time she'd seen him since before he died. Before he went to Tahiti.

He greeted her, "Still not dead."

She'd never really, truly believed that she would ever hear those words again from his mouth until that moment. Despite the briefing from Maria and Fury. Her heart physically hurt. Melinda pressed her mouth together firmly and narrowed her eyes, glaring at him, a peculiar sort of anger towards him pooling deep in her bones.

"Not funny." Especially considering all the things he didn't know.

His small, ever-present smile grew on his face and that damned mischievous twinkle appeared, too. "Okay, fine, a little bit dead."

She had just sighed and turned back to her papers.

When Melinda was infected by Lucy Bauers and had to "have her brain restarted" (or, in other words, be killed) by Jemma and Radcliffe, he came to visit her while she recovered. It was her turn to greet him first.

"Still not dead," she smirked.

The smile-lines around his eyes crinkled, but it was a sad sort of smile. "You were right, it's not funny,"

When Melinda came out of the Framework, he was there. Begging her to jump. To follow him. He caught her as her legs collapsed out from under her, supporting her.

"Hey. How ya doing?"

"Still not dead," she grunted.

He smiled with all the regret and pain of a lifetime run by Hydra. "Surprised you followed me. I was a big squirrely in there,"

He should have known-- she would follow him anywhere, no matter what twisted universe they were shoved into.

When they went to Tahiti together, just the two of them for his last few weeks, it was peaceful. Finally. But every time he fell asleep, she was stuck between a sort of awe and affection and a gripping fear that he won't wake up. That each time he drifted off, relaxed, would be his last. She thought he knew that. That had to be the reason he would always remind her, "Still not dead," each time he woke up.

When he died, she was there that time. He was finally laid to rest, leaving her in turmoil and grief. She almost wished she could join him. But, no. The team, especially the Bus kids, were missing him too. She would be there for them.

When she got back to base, luggage in hand, Daisy was there. Her, Simmons, and their team looking for Fitz had come back to refuel and collect themselves after they heard the news.

"He's gone?" Daisy had asked quietly. She sounded destroyed. She had every right to be. Coulson was there through everything, and now he just… wasn’t. Nothing was okay. So quickly, he’d become the embodiment of everything May cared about. He became everything. May knew it was the same for Daisy. She saw how quickly they attached themselves to each other. A week into Daisy’s time on the team, and he’d practically already signed the adoption papers.

May felt a burning sensation in her nose and eyes as another tear slipped down her cheek. She dropped her bag on the ground. Daisy met her in the middle with a fierce hug.

"How are you?" May inquired instead.

"Honestly..." Daisy sniffed wetly, "Not-- not good. You?"

May's voice cracked. Hard. "Still not dead."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!  
> Let me know if there's any grammatical, spelling, or major canon errors cause those all suck and I haven't actually technically proofread this. I kinda just got a burst of inspiration halfway through re-watching 1st season for the fifth time and wrote it all in one sitting.  
> I wasn't sure if I should post this but I figured why the hell not.


End file.
